Dilbert Widget

Man Code

Lightsaber Viagra Ad

by Lex

Joshua 24:15

Joshua 24:15

Chuck Norris vs. Mike Huckabee

Finally there is a presidential candidate who has a plan to secure the border. If Mike Huckabee is good enough for Chuck Norris than he's good enough for me. A vote for anyone else is a vote for roundhouse kick to the face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjYv2YW6azE

Top Ten Reasons I Eat Meat

1. It irks vegetarians.
   
2. Hamburgers taste like Heaven. That's why Indians worship cows.
   
3. Chuck Norris eats meat.
   
4. Help control the pet population. Have your pet filleted and eaten.
   
5. Jesus told me to, twice. (Genesis 9:3 and Acts 10:9-16)
   
6. I love kittens; they taste like chicken.
   
7. More than two thirds of vegetarians eventually die.
   
8. I hate fish.
   
9. Whenever I watch Bambi, I cannot decide who looks more delicious, Bambi or Thumper.
   
10. Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian. (Darn Godwin's Law!)
    

Republican Top Ten

You know you’re a heartless conservative when…

1. Your car is bigger than your house.
   
2. You did not see the movie about gay cowboys.
   
3. You think they should nuke Pakistan and Afghanistan because you always get them mixed up.
   
4. Your hobbies include polluting the environment, hunting endangered species, disenfranchising voters, and oppressing poor people.
   
5. You’re sure Hillary Clinton is the Antichrist.
   
6. After someone suposedly flushed a Koran at Guantanamo Bay, you’re looking for a Gitmo toilet because your toilet can’t compete.
   
7. You love Halliburton.
   
8. You think Ronald Reagan has a sexy body.
   
9. You have not seen “The Day After Tomorrow” but wonder how global warming causes New York to be coverred by snow.
   
10. The only thing that outnumbers your Bibles is your guns.

They say, if you are young and conservative than you have no heart, and if you are old and liberal than you have no brain. As a twenty-something ultra-conservative Republican, I guess that makes me heartless.

God's Blog

Single-Wheeled Pedal-Powered Vehicles

Chris Hatch
http://www.UnderJC.com
October 26, 2007



To whom it may concern,

The word "unicycle" is no longer politically correct. Hence forth, please use the term "single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicle." The term "unicycle" is often associated with clowns, and as a person who rides a "single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicle," I find its connotation offensive. Many people who ride "single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicles" are NOT clowns, and therefore the term "unicycle" casts a wrong and hurtful impression.

Also note that people who ride "single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicles" are people first and riders second. Therefore they should not be referred to as "single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicle riders" but as "people who ride single-wheeled pedal-powered vehicles."

In addition, the term "juggling" should be replaced with "prop manipulation artistry", and the term "balloon animal" should be replaced with "inflated latex resembling livestock."

Sincerely,



Chris Hatch
Person Who Rides a Single-Wheeled Pedal-Powered Vehicles

Christian Top Ten

You know you're a Christian when...

1. You can't understand why people don't believe in God, because you talking to Him this morning.
2. When your Christian friends are running late, you worry that you missed the rapture.
3. You insist that you are both a child of God and maturing in your faith.
4. RTFM stands for "Read the Friendly Manual".
5. You've had a progressive fast food dinner.
6. When people ask about your father, you have to ask them which one.
7. You distrust people with too many 6s in their phone number, address, licence plate, etc.
8. When someone exclaims "Jesus Christ," you think it is the Second Coming.
9. You've fixed at least one vehicle by laying hands on it.
   
10. John 3:16 is not your favorite Bible verse!